Wow, it’s been quiet around here.
It’s been so long since I’ve written on my blog, it almost feels like starting over.
My world, and the world in general, have changed a hundred times over since I last wrote on here. Some things changed for the better, some for the worse, but all is going to be ok.
I’ve been so happily lost in a love story with my fiance that it feels like time floats by without me noticing, and I’m just grateful every day, waking up loved and living the day loved and falling asleep knowing I’m loved.
It’s beautiful. It really is.
My close friends and family know how long I prayed and wished for my future husband, whoever he would be, and when Andrew came into my life I was filled with so much thankfulness and joy!
God writes the best love stories, Andrew and I can attest to that.
We actually met because a close friend of both of ours thought we might get along. He prayed about it and then approached us both, and well….we took it from there ;) We talked and texted and went on some dates and even wrote some good old fashioned letters. Good times :)
It has not all been easy though. Far from it. When Andrew and I were getting to know each other, I was broke in Kitchener with a job that wasn’t working out and an apartment I was struggling to pay for. I felt like a failure. I felt so anxious about my future that I would sometimes have panic attacks.
But God had a plan. When I surrendered to the fact that my job wasn’t working out, and that I needed a rest (emotionally, physically, spiritually) I allowed myself to admit that I needed to move home for a bit. When I expressed that I was considering moving home, a job was immediately offered to me before I had even officially quit at my job in Kitchener.
So I moved home, which, gladly, is only fifteen minutes from Andrew’s house. Though we were only newly dating at the time, God brought us closer and allowed us to get to go to church together, spend time with each other’s families, and spend lots of time on walks and coffee dates. What followed was the most delightful summer of falling in love (and also lots of work, and me finishing the last courses of my B.R.E. online).
Again, though, it was good, but not always easy: I began to have doubts in my faith, and wondered if God was even real. I wrote and wrote and prayed and studied but none of it ever made it onto the blog, because it was too real and raw and close to home.
But God provided. He gave me close friends who talked to me and asked me hard questions and prayed for me. He gave me a family who showered me with love and pointed me to Scripture. He gave me Andrew, who let me cry on his shoulder and process the dozens of questions I had in conversations with him.
And God grew my faith back again.
I was getting ready to write about it when Covid ransacked our world, and then my little words stayed stuck in my journal. The whole world turned upside down for so many of us.
My life, as of yet, has not been personally affected by the disease in any devastating ways. I am still working full time, and ended up moving into my fiance’s family’s house in the spare bedroom, so we could be close during the pandemic.
Our wedding went from a guest list of 200 to 5, all the plans left unfinished as we scaled back and again, surrendered to the inevitable. But this is not hard, compared to those who are experiencing hospitalization or death of their loved ones, or loss of work during this time. In fact, it gave me less to be anxious about, and a small ceremony is ok with me. I’m sad my sisters and friends can’t all be there, but that is the world right now and we will still be thankful.
Andrew and I just got a little farmhouse apartment above where Andrew’s sister and her husband live (God’s timely provision), and I am BEYOND happy and excited to start a life with A. in a cute little farmhouse apartment. I can’t wait to decorate and set up house and become a wifey :)
So, that is love in the age of Covid, for us. I know we are fortunate to get to be together, when some loved ones must be separate.
In life lately, I’ve been reminded by this small verse: “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6). LIfe is hard, covid sucks, quarantine is hard, doubts and suffering and anxiety all are painful.
But God is our Father and we have Him, His joy, the promise of eternity, and the forgiveness of a Saviour. So even in suffering, need, boredom, disappointment, and anxiety: we can be content. For God is working a Sovereign plan, and it won’t be hindered. Even with our sometimes over-thinking control-freak tendencies, God can still breathe redemption and life into us.